


An Anniversary

by spaceacealyx



Series: Fankids Canon [10]
Category: Fankids - Fandom
Genre: Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25908460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceacealyx/pseuds/spaceacealyx
Summary: Jade is reminded of old scars.
Series: Fankids Canon [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880299





	An Anniversary

Jade’s focus all day is not in her lessons. Thibault asks if she’s okay and she gives him a vague answer. She _is_ fine. She’s just got things on her mind, that’s all. When someone bumps into her in the hallway, everyone expects Jade to blow up on them. They all hold their breath and wait for the yelling that never comes. She ignores it and keeps walking, a thoughtful frown on her face.

Her mind can’t seem to settle on one thing for very long. In astronomy, she’s thinking about the Goblin Rebellions and the ingredients of a wideye potion. In potions, her mind is on binary star systems and mandrakes. Her potion is a flop, but she feels none of the usual disappointment and, by extension, anger. Instead, she merely shrugs and grabs her books to get to her next class.

Lore catches her staring again. She hadn’t even realized she was staring. It’s obvious Lore expects a fight. “Sorry, I was spacing…” Jade simply turns away. Lore ignores it, shrugging it off as Jade being weird again. Jade just doesn’t have the energy to talk or fight today.

Robin asks about her too. “I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.” That’s the end of it.

After her last class, Jade finds herself in the girls’ bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. She feels numb. She knows it won’t go away until she addresses why she’s been feeling like this. She just also knows she isn’t strong enough, doesn’t have enough energy to deal with it. So instead, she sits and stares at herself, which leads to less than joyful thoughts.

She glares at herself, and since waiting for something to change won’t get her anywhere, she decides to just go through the memories of exactly eight years ago.

She can’t remember how her parents’ argument had started. She just remembers the chilling fear she felt when she heard glass breaking in the other room. She remembers her brain only telling herself to “ _Run. **Hide.**_ ” She remembers she had been playing with her ruined doll, the one Jade had torn the hair from and scribbled over its eyes with a permanent marker.

Little seven-year-old Jade had thrown down the doll in panic and torn off into the bathroom. She crammed her small body into the bathroom cabinet, knees pulled to her chest.

_“Jade!”_

_“No, I’m not done talking to you!”_

She had covered her ears with her hands to block out the sound of their yelling.

Jade leans forward and braces herself against the sink. Her glare at herself intensifies for a moment. “ _If I can’t even get through this, how can I expect to get over it?_ ” She shakes her head at herself. “ _A big baby, just like you were then. You haven’t changed a bit, Jade._ ” The thought makes her throat burn.

The screaming back and forth of her parents had continued and Jade remembers clear as day how warm the tears running down her face were. Her eyes focus back on herself in the mirror and she sees that it isn’t just the memory version of her that’s crying. She stands up straight again and angrily wipes at her eyes. It’s pointless and she knows it. She feels like a dumb kid.

Jade finds that it’s hard to remember when it had started raining. Perhaps her parents’ yelling had drowned it out. It wouldn’t surprise her.

She remembers hearing slamming around in her room. “ _Maldita sea_ … Jade!… Fuck- where is she?!” Jade’s tears fall faster.

The rustling in her room had stopped after that and she heard more yelling. It got louder and louder until she heard a loud crash. The magnitude of it shook the entire house and Jade had screamed.

It was deathly silent after the boom, save for the ghostly pitter-patter of rain on the house.

Coming back to reality is like getting splashed with ice-cold water. She sees her eyes, rimmed with red and full of tears, staring back at her fearfully. _“It’s just a memory; what are you afraid of you big baby?”_

“Everything…”

Jade scrunches up her face. _“Why and I afraid of everything? Why am I like this? Why can’t I be normal? This is why no one can stand me; it’s only a matter of time before Thibault comes to his senses._ God _, I’m so pathetic.”_

Every thought against herself only makes her loathe the image in the mirror even more. It starts to burn a hole of hatred in her stomach. _“That look on your face makes you look ugly. How long is your stupid, pathetic ass going to stay in here and throw yourself a pity party?”_

Jade lets out a frustrated snarl and she throws her fist at her own reflection.

The glass shatters and she instantly recoils, throwing herself off balance and back onto the floor. A sob escapes her the second she hits the floor and she pulls her knees to her chest. The emotions break free like floodwaters from a dam. She sits alone, crying on the floor of the bathroom for a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> Thibault and Lorena Landon belong to @neonbluewaves on tumblr


End file.
